Spanking is sometimes a figure/ground study for me

Here’s a picture. It comes from (of course) the one and only Red Charls. Who else dramatises and photgraphs the D/s experience so expertly?

I have a complicated relationship with this image. (Therein I call it art.) I look at it one way and I see a defensless, nude woman under the rod of oppression. Then I look at it again and I see a perfect alignment of wills, a deep yearning for discipline, a most caring hand of authority.

One way; then the other way. Back and forward. My ambivalence, of course. My struggle with all this.

This is just like the figure / ground studies we all know. Look at this picture. Do you see the vase or do you see the faces? Vase. Faces. Vase. Faces. Back and forth.

What am I saying (other than the banal, how we look at things affects what we see)?

I suppose I’m really conscious of how “so-very-right” and “so-very-wrong” are remarkably two sides of the same coin, and how it is quite hard to get that coin to reliably land right side up. It’s not just a question of seeing the postive. It is about putting the positive there for all to see.

Money, morality, and non-erotics in paying spank sites

First, I’m very honoured to see that this blog – up for such a short time that it’s hardly official even in my own mind – has been linked to by Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts, one of the great spanking blogs around. (Great title, nothing beats intelligence! Well, maybe her hubby does.) That nudged me to put up a few links of my own, particularly to the unsurpassed Taken in Hand, and more to come.

I notice my own preference is for sites that are thinking, intimate, and well designed. No flashing anything. No trying to jizz up my dick. Yes, this is old fashioned. But then old fashioned is what it is all about, n’est-ce pas?

So the day’s thought for me runs off what I mentioned yesterday – I’m not a member of any spanking pay sites. Why not? They seem to offer attractive stuff. It’s not the money. So? There are two reasons, one moral, one erotic.

The moral is not that “spanking (or bdsm, etc.) is immoral.” Certainly not that. If it is consentingl adults, it’s fine. The morality is in the money. If I get out my credit card, I’m putting my money into the front end of a chain that ends in a spanking, and Web exposure thereof, the conditions of which I have no control over, and which may well be suspect. The sex business is not pretty. It’s not that all girls are exploited, but some are (and the dreadful paradox is that consensual private exploitation can be sexy, but commercial /porn /pimp exploitation never is.) Without the money the engine would not go round, and I’d prefer it didn’t. The only real voting we get to do is with our wallets.

There’s also the erotic side. I find my spanking passions are deeply bound up in the idea that she actively WANTS to be spanked (even if sometimes she gets it when she doesn’t want, it is still part of a broader chosen lifestyle), not that she wants to get something for suffering spanking. If I’m thinking, “okay this woman is there for a ‘shoot’ for which she got – what’s the rate? – a few hundred dollars? and she’s sweating her way through it to pay the rent or school fees, it’s not a turn-on at any level.

Spanking is about deepening a relationship (long-term coupled or not), but if the relationship is all about a few bucks for a few whacks, that’s not interesting.

Sites where real people put up their own relationship-based spanking pictures or video, accessed without overly greasing the palm of a greasy Webmaster, would be good to know about. Yeah, dream on.