The life of the mind is sexy, even if it’s inadvertent

So, I was scrolling through some pictures and couldn’t help from pausing over this one:

A nice girl, with a lovely bottom. Just another photo, right?

What got my juices flowing is the depth of communication created by the poster in the background. The poster itself can be seen in more detail here, but briefly it is the famous 1911 US socialist “Pyramid of Capitalist System,” showing how capitalism “really works”. (Whatever your politics, its incontrovertible that a handful benefit wildly while most grind through life worrying about their mortgage and health care, and maybe that’s not the best way to organise the world?)

Anyway, the point is the poster in the background changes everything in the foreground. Suddenly it is no longer just another girl showing her bum, but a really quite complex musing on exploitation and choice. Because of course, nudity is political. Who keeps their clothes on, who takes them off, who is the viewer and who the viewed, is all about power.

Women’s organisations have, with mixed success, drawn parallels between exploitation of workers and of women — mixed because, submission and proto-exploitation is a very common erotic choice. Desire is mostly politically incorrect and all that. Also (let’s avoid naivete) the undressed women is not powerless. She has quite significant control over the owner of testosterone and can shape him to her will.

With all that in mind, suddenly there is a lot going on in this picture for me. A statement on many levels. And as one who finds thinking women sexy, I find myself fantasizing what else this woman has to say? Yes, I drool over her cheeks, but an interesting head makes them twice as nice.

It’s likely this is all my construction — the poster probably just what was there in the background when some leering photographer snapped pictures of just another model. But, there is the worker’s cap to make the link, so maybe I’m right…?

The apparel oft proclaims the man …

Following a now-quite old post here on why spank pay sites give me cause for pause, someone popped up in the comments box to helpfully point me to Spanking Tube. Thanks. Of course I already know about it. Yes, there are some real couples posting their own clips. But it is mostly a forum for the pay sites to show their trailers and the whole thing is set up by ‘Real Spankings’.

Anyway, not to say that the pay sites don’t do some good work (and I happily pay to see a movie or buy a CD in the vanilla world). It’s just not clear to me what the levels of real exploitation are, that’s all, and as much as I can find ‘play’ or chosen exploitation sexy, real exploitation is a huge turnoff. The thin, um, red line is crossed. And in pay-spank sites (as in all pornography) I often can’t tell whether it’s been crossed or not.

spanking-1

Cargo shorts? Dude, like, c'mon

Anyway, thus cycling back to Spanking Tube after a few months and seeing what’s out there currently, I was given to the following thought. It’s clear that one can’t in the spanking world generally say “what is good for the goose is good for the gander.” The whole field has an awkward double standard: If she’s been bad she get’s spanked; if he’s been bad, well, what happens? And I’m not saying switching is the answer. It’s just a pickle.

But there is one area where I feel certain goose gander eqivalency can and should apply — or at least, speaking for myself, I like to apply it — and this is in dress. I feel if she’s well turned out, in a nice skirt, with elegant heels and so on, I should be more-or-less in the male equivalent: proper trousers, formal shoes, collar shirt. If she’s  in an evening dress, with perhaps …mmm… stockings and suspenders (US translation: garter belt), I should be in a dinner jacket or equivalent.

The blog commenters are going to kill me, I know. (Just kidding, I love it!) I’m not saying one needs to dress formally to spank or be spanked, just that it’s meaningful if the couple dress more-or-less equivalently.

I feel it does two things. First it shows respect. We all want respect, dominants, submissives alike. It just takes different forms. A submissive doesn’t want respect in the sense of simple reciprocity (you spank me I spank you back) but she does surely want it in the sense of having her submission honoured, that is, honouring what she is giving, which is a lot. We dress up for client meetings or job interviews and so on to show respect. Taking the time and care to dress equivalently to her level of dress shows respect in that same way.

A bonus applies too: Dress helps put us both, dom and sub, into the frame of mind. That’s what the heels and stocking are all about. For my part,  I know I feel different in formal dress, real trousers, a suit, or even a tux. I feel more “executive”, a little more styalised in my masculinity, and I intuit that this plays a not inconsequential role in switching on feminine submissive fantasies.

Money, morality, and non-erotics in paying spank sites

First, I’m very honoured to see that this blog – up for such a short time that it’s hardly official even in my own mind – has been linked to by Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts, one of the great spanking blogs around. (Great title, nothing beats intelligence! Well, maybe her hubby does.) That nudged me to put up a few links of my own, particularly to the unsurpassed Taken in Hand, and more to come.

I notice my own preference is for sites that are thinking, intimate, and well designed. No flashing anything. No trying to jizz up my dick. Yes, this is old fashioned. But then old fashioned is what it is all about, n’est-ce pas?

So the day’s thought for me runs off what I mentioned yesterday – I’m not a member of any spanking pay sites. Why not? They seem to offer attractive stuff. It’s not the money. So? There are two reasons, one moral, one erotic.

The moral is not that “spanking (or bdsm, etc.) is immoral.” Certainly not that. If it is consentingl adults, it’s fine. The morality is in the money. If I get out my credit card, I’m putting my money into the front end of a chain that ends in a spanking, and Web exposure thereof, the conditions of which I have no control over, and which may well be suspect. The sex business is not pretty. It’s not that all girls are exploited, but some are (and the dreadful paradox is that consensual private exploitation can be sexy, but commercial /porn /pimp exploitation never is.) Without the money the engine would not go round, and I’d prefer it didn’t. The only real voting we get to do is with our wallets.

There’s also the erotic side. I find my spanking passions are deeply bound up in the idea that she actively WANTS to be spanked (even if sometimes she gets it when she doesn’t want, it is still part of a broader chosen lifestyle), not that she wants to get something for suffering spanking. If I’m thinking, “okay this woman is there for a ‘shoot’ for which she got – what’s the rate? – a few hundred dollars? and she’s sweating her way through it to pay the rent or school fees, it’s not a turn-on at any level.

Spanking is about deepening a relationship (long-term coupled or not), but if the relationship is all about a few bucks for a few whacks, that’s not interesting.

Sites where real people put up their own relationship-based spanking pictures or video, accessed without overly greasing the palm of a greasy Webmaster, would be good to know about. Yeah, dream on.