Lightness and heaviness (or should that be darkness?)

So last time out, I had a mild go at Taken in Hand for getting dull and preachy. Gratifyingly a few people have popped up in my email box to quietly agree. I hope it’s obvious that some of this was reflecting my own evolution, me being ‘in a different place’, although I do think, objectively, the site is not what it was.

Anyway in that post I threw out the idea that “discipline, domestic or otherwise, is serious business because it takes us very close to deep parts of the psyche… but somehow I’m moving on from needing it to be so damn wholesome.”

Let me add something to this because, to explain better, it not that the wholesome is to be shrugged off. It is that there is unreconstructed ‘non-wholesomeness’ to be accommodated too.

To explain: I’m in the cohort of ‘Tops’ who are troubled by oppression and inequality. I’m extremely liberal-egalitarian in outlook, including being shocked by violence and troubled by hitting anyone or anything, most of all a woman, which all sits very uneasily with a liberal world view. I would march in the streets against domestic violence. But I’m absolutely hardwired to spank a willing woman’s bottom (and not remotely hardwired for this to be reciprocated.)

So I  seek a framework of justification and integration. For example, I believe that structure is good, in life and in relationships. I believe a big part of what a male contributes to a relationship is to protect and provide, including providing guiding purpose, strength (real strength, not pumped up jerk strength), and authority. I know too that spanking provides intimacy like nothing else. It also provides very hot foreplay. And so on. I know that many men are wired just like me, and women wired the other way — if it’s a fringe world view, which I actually doubt, it is extremely common.

So I can intellectually and morally justify who I am (in this form of my life). That’s the “evolved” part. This accounts for a lot of what goes on on sites like TIH and many other forums — the elaboration of wholesome (aka heavy) justification of the adult M/f spanking relationship by both men and women, showing the many reason why it is functional not dysfunctional, and therefore is moral and good. I agree with the process and most of what is said..

But there is more. The truth will set you free and the truth is that something else seeks release and expresssion — a violent impulse, a sterner persona, a will to overpower, a totally unreconstructed instinct to “own” the woman through her willingly proffered bottom, to lash it, to see it  change shape as a mightly thwack overcomes it, to hear her gasp, to see her wriggle (but remain “as positioned” or else) in an absolute gift of submission.

That was hard to write.

I can justify this: real thrashing is very like ‘wild’ fucking: the deepest test, providing for the most intimacy, the strongest ‘contract’ of dominance and submission. I would add that events should not happen at this level every time, and when it happens I’m super-ultra-careful to use a soft-ish instrument. I have never caused even close to the kind of damage you see on some sites, and never would.

But … this is just justification again, the mental machinations of the wholesome, evolved, gentle spirit, searching for morality. The bald truth is there is a very dominant, testosterone-soaked, very unreconstructed, non-evolved ‘cowboy’ that rides this path at times.

I suppose, as long as this life force can be fruitfully harnessed (more justification, Alex) it’s better that it’s there than not. Welcome to the mysteries of life as a carbon-based biped on a spinning blue-green planet lost in quantum darkness. To life!

But, anyway, this is the ‘badness’ that I’m talking about. The unreconstructed male that shrugs out of the cloak of acceptibility … which causes some, er,  shifting-up of personnell to make space for on the sofa of the liberal-egalitarian framework, I tell ya. I think the only way this integration can occur is through a certain lightness of being — some things cannot and should not be justified, they just ‘are’.

6 Responses to Lightness and heaviness (or should that be darkness?)

  1. lurvspanking says:

    Perfectly stated. Either you need to spank willing females are you don’t. The trick is separating those who want from those who’ve been abused.


  2. hersecretcorner says:

    Very, very well said. Thank you for expressing such honesty, and for not being afraid to be the man you are.


  3. artofauthority says:

    Cyndi – thanks. “not being afraid to be the man you are” is important. I feel, however, that many use this as an excuse for being abusive/assholes – “hey, babe, that’s just the way I am…” So it’s all about being the man you are, but moving that closer to real strength and solid ethics.

  4. greengirl says:

    Obviously EVERYTHING comes down to consent, but I don’t see that your “unreconstructed cowboy” is really unevolved. Through evolution creatures change to aquire the characteristics most ideal to their environment, but in many cases this also involves retaining those characteristics that were useful all along. I believe that everyone has these stronger, more intense impulses. People choose to meet those needs through sports, insanely competitive careers, fast cars, drugs, you name it. The women who allow you to have your outlet are also meeting their need for intensity, for self challenge, and probably for many other things as well.

  5. Green Knight says:

    This is all pretty intellectual stuff. To me, spanking is a mystery. It’s something that I can do without having to explain or justify it. My wife consents, I do it. Is it beneficial? I don’t know. I like it, and she, while she doesn’t like it, absorbs it and perhaps is the better for it (but that is something she might not agree with.) She feels my impact and absorbs it. For me, that intensifies our relationship and imbues it with feeling. I am glad she consents, and I am glad to spank her. It feels RIGHT.

  6. Rebecca says:

    Consent is the key thing here – as long as you both consent to what you’re doing and where it may take you then driven by your deepest psyche or primative urge it’s ok. Sometimes I think the more civilised we are most of the time the more depraved we long to be in private. I am often described as wholesome, a girl guide or pin-up for altruism but I like to be hit and hurt and taken. Not all the time with just anyone but with the right person (my lovely boy interest) it’s what I crave. As long as it doesn’t upset anyone else and doesn’t cover deeper scars then I honestly think it’s fine and probably very healthy (I’d be totally insufferable if I didn’t get spanked from time to time!)

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