Why domestic discipline is the hardest thing of all

It’s well known to anthropologists that props or devices facilitate special-occasion behaviour. People make a special time and place to do special activities, that often goes with special dress. In the world of kinky it works this way precisely. One puts on the black leathers, high boots, corset & lace, gets out the “toys,” dims the lights, has another sip of champagne, and becomes ready to immerse in an alternative reality. The process of transition from who we are and how we behave in the everyday to who we are in alternative reality is smoothed by adopting signals and codes of the alternative. We therein also keep it contained in its particular time and place.

Domestic discipline is typically done in everyday clothes, in everyday situations, in full light. There is no transitional “help”, nor containing devices. This is why it is, to me, the highest and purest of the spanking arts. It most clearly says: this is part of who we actually are, in the everyday, not just what identies we can inhabit in the dim half-light of alternative realities. It is authority integrated with the cups of tea and messy desks of real life. Because there is nowhere, psychologically, to “hide”, it is also the most psychologically risky thing to do. And therefore the most productive of real intimacy.

One can interpret pictures on many ways. To me these, below, tell the exact story. Picture credit: Kate’s Spanking World (defunct).





6 Responses to Why domestic discipline is the hardest thing of all

  1. Sara says:

    I think you are right, that the integration is very tricky. It requires a great deal of ongoing effort and the development of continual self awareness in the relationship….self discipline. Maintaining that heightened awareness is difficult, but very rewarding!

  2. John says:

    The pictures are from the defunct site Kate’s Spanking World.

  3. Emma says:


    Thanks for pointing me to your blog, I can tell I am going to like it. The topic of this post is quite interesting to me, in fact I wrote a paper on the use of fetish clothing to facilitate the transition from one part of a “persona” to another for my anthropology class.

    I think that both types of experiences have something to offer. As you state, it can be very powerful to engage in any sort of kinky activity in what we would consider a “normal” or everyday environment where you have no mask to hide behind.

    At the same time, I think that the use of clothing or accessories can facilitate and/or heighten the experience without necessarily changing the dynamic significantly. I’d liken it almost to getting a small buzz from alcohol – it doesn’t change who I am at the core, but may allow me to act or react in a way I might normally feel too restricted to.

    For some people, of course, the use of clothing and accessories allows them to create a completely different persona who bears no relation to their primary personality. I prefer to keep the lines much less blurred in my own play and use the props on occasion to add a bit of variety.

  4. Dazy says:

    Maybe it’s just me, but I love the fact that the table is a slight mess in the second picture. It really illustrates that this is everyday life, not something completely staged where things are perfect. Enjoying your blog, by the way!


  5. Joseph says:

    Great blog!!! Gorgeous photos here!! You wouldn’t happen to have any more of them? It’s a shame that site got taken down- I never got to look at it!

  6. Sher says:

    Yes; the combination of the ordinary and the extraordinary is most difficult, and most rewarding.

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