‘Punishment’, ‘Maintenance’ and ‘Erotic’ spankings. These categories don’t hold up.
May 7, 2009 6 Comments
Across the spanking Net a fair amount of effort goes into categorising spankings. One can appreciate the need. To categorise (classify; taxonomise; whatever) is the basic building block of thought. We need classifications to know what we are talking about and share it with others.
As I understand it, the dd-schema that comes up most of the time is (a) punishment, where a transgression is corrected; (b) maintenance where a spanking is given without direct cause other than to maintain the form of relationship; and (c) erotic, where spanking is a turn-on or foreplay.
To me, all spankings have all three elements. They are a punishment (real or ritual) that also maintains a state of mind and of relationship, and are always directly or indirectly erotic.
One can tell when categories are suspect by the extent of problems people report with them. Ubiquitous problems raised are those such as: “I don’t want to be a bitch/brat in real life, so I never do anything to earn a punishment!”. Or “I want to be spanked, but I don’t want to be micromanaged,” Or “routine maintanance doesn’t work, seems silly, because there’s no reason to spank her,” and so on.
Better, I think, to see all three elements every time. But the no-reason-for-punishment problem remains: how can she do something punishworthy without being subject to silly rules or her doing something ridiculous like purposefully failing a test or getting a speeding fine?
I think there are punishable elements in the everyday dd-format relationship. These are:
1. Attitude and Respect. I would never say the Top is always right. Far from it. Her disagreement and criticism on any topic, properly done, is fine. But disrespect or a poor attitude is punishable.
2. Targets. We all strive to achieve and improve, from learning Chinese to avoiding cream caramels. What are her targets? Missing them is fine if the effort is there. If not, she is punished.
3. Agreements. A couple will have agreed roles, duties, behaviours. If she breaks an agreement, punishment follows.
These three overlap. But the idea is there – there is plenty of room for ritual punishment in a fully adult relationship, which in itself naturally fulfils the maintenance function, and surely leads to sparkling sex sooner or later.